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Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this post. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations predicated on a little research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Cheap hookers nearest Fort Smith, Northwest Territories. Anyway, here goes:

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I can not say it any clearer than this: Don't post any selfies of yourself looking into your bathroom mirror, interval. Seeing a man standing next to an open toilet, or even a toilet paper dispenser, is an instant turn off. Take a selfie the way everyone else in the world does, by using a selfie stick and pretending as even though you are doing something fun (like fishing or watching football). Or, in the event you don't have a selfie stick, shoot your profile photograph the old fashioned way by tapping the reverse camera view on your smart phone and then snapping a selfie in your car. Worst comes to worst, have a buddy take an action photo of you standing alone with a glass of wine pretending to laugh at someone just out of view. In case you don't have a single friend who can take your photograph, or you don't own a smartphone, then you probably should not be dating in the first place.

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I am not the single one noticing these tendencies. Frequently, when I get together with my single girlfriends the subject of some men's online dating profiles is raised with a collective "what in the world were they thinking??" From time to time I've looked past these profile peculiarities and gone out with some of these men because I felt they were really nice guys. And let us simply say that I was not surprised when they discussed their frustrations with online dating - of seldom receiving e-mails from women, of their emails often going unanswered. I wanted to grab these guys by their shoulders, and give them a strong (albeit friendly) handshake, while sharing my suspicions about their errant advertising techniques. But I've always resisted the temptation to do so from a fear of appearing rude and ill-mannered.

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A few of these profiles represent arbitrary oddities, the one-in-a hundred profile with an eyebrow-raising story or a couple gasp-worthy photographs. These profiles can be an excellent source of entertainment, particularly if wine is included. But what I find somewhat distressing are some fairly distressing trends I Have noticed in many men's profiles who seem to be fairly normal otherwise. I do empathize, really. Many of us are dating rookies, jumping back into the dating pool after years (sometimes decades) of marriage and child-rearing. We are all winging it to a particular degree, uncertain of what the other sex is searching for, or how exactly to get their focus. But these gaffes are really so apparent that I believe it is time someone starts a dialogue and asks the important question: Why? No really, why?

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I've been a member of a well-known online dating service for a little more than a year now, and I need to say that, overall, I am happily surprised by the characteristic of men I Have met online. While I haven't yet met "the one," I remain optimistic that eventually, I will. Yet despite my generally positive experiences, I've run into a few (hundred) profiles that totally baffle me in a these-guys-certainly-were-not-raised-with-sisters-and-can't-possibly-have-any-female-friends sort of manner. Like the man who thought that picking the username "Undertaker" was wise, or the guy who shot his photographs in a room that certainly screamed "secured residential facility." Or, the childless man who expressed his profound urge to meet a woman with young children (rather lads). One of my all-time favorites however was the man who spent half his profile narrative writing about how he was still intensely in love with his ex-wife, but since she wouldn't take him back, he was forced to find love online (yay us!).

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