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Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am much more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Cheap hookers closest to Trefoil Alberta. Anyway, here goes:

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I can not say it any clearer than this: Do not post any selfies of yourself looking into your own bathroom mirror, period. Seeing a man standing next to an open toilet, or maybe a toilet paper dispenser, is an instant turn off. Take a selfie the means everyone else in the world does, by using a selfie stick and pretending as even though you are doing something enjoyable (like fishing or watching football). Or, should you not have a selfie stick, shoot your profile photograph the old fashioned way by tapping the reverse camera view on your smart phone and then snapping a selfie in your automobile. Worst comes to worst, have a buddy take an action shot of you standing alone with a glass of wine pretending to laugh at someone just out of view. If you don't have a single friend who can shoot your photo, or you do not possess a smartphone, then you probably should not be dating in the first place.

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I am not the sole one noticing these tendencies. Frequently, when I get together with my single girlfriends the matter of some men's online dating profiles is raised with a collective "what in the world were they thinking??" From time to time I've looked past these profile peculiarities and gone out with some of these men since I felt they were extremely nice guys. And let us just say that I wasn't surprised when they discussed their frustrations with online dating - of infrequently receiving emails from women, of their e-mails frequently going unanswered. I liked to catch these men by their shoulders, and provide them a powerful (albeit friendly) shake, while sharing my suspicions about their errant marketing techniques. But I've consistently resisted the temptation to do so from a fear of seeming rude and ill mannered.

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Some of these profiles represent random oddities, the one-in-a-hundred profile with an eyebrow-raising story or a few gasp-worthy photos. These profiles can actually be a great source of amusement, particularly if wine is involved. However, what I find somewhat distressing are some rather disturbing trends I Have noticed in many men's profiles who appear to be quite normal otherwise. I do empathize, actually. Many of us are dating newcomers, jumping back into the dating pool after years (sometimes decades) of marriage and child-rearing. We're all winging it to a particular degree, unsure of what the other sex is looking for, or ways to get their focus. But these gaffes are really so obvious that I think it's time someone starts a dialogue and asks the important question: Why? No really, why?

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I've been a member of a well-known online dating service for a little more than a year now, and I have to say that, overall, I am pleasantly surprised by the quality of guys I've met online. While I haven't yet met "the one," I remain hopeful that eventually, I 'll. Yet despite my generally positive encounters, I have run into a few (hundred) profiles that totally baffle me in a these-guys-certainly-were-not-raised-with-sisters-and-can't-possibly-have-any-female-friends sort of way. Like the man who thought that selecting the username "Undertaker" was a good idea, or the guy who shot his photographs in a room that certainly cried "locked residential facility." Or, the childless man who expressed his deep desire to meet a girl with young kids (rather boys). One of my all time favorites however was the man who spent half his profile narrative writing about how he was still intensely in love with his ex-wife, but since she wouldn't take him back, he was forced to find love online (yay us!).

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